fetch.

There's a reason why dog owners will often rake up the fallen leaves in their backyards but not bag them right away, and this is that reason. Any dog can fetch a toy that someone's throwing around a clear, unobstructed area where a pooch can follow the object's entire trajectory. Sometimes you need to take the game to a higher level, to find out how tenacious your dog is, to test its mettle. Of course, right now we're in the midst of winter so your best leaf-pile days are probably a couple of months behind you. But that's why Mother Nature gave us snow. ...

We're tired of dogs getting all the credit for being the loyal pets who fetch your newspaper and your slippers. They're not the only ones who can do that, jack! Why not get yourself a penguin? Who knows what else those little buggers can accomplish? ...

Meanwhile, in Mother Russia... What does your dog fetch? Your slippers? The newspaper? Big whoop. That's bush league tricks. Why doesn't your dog fetch your drinks for you? Not to play into stereotypes, but these rugged Ruskies don't mess around on their hunting trips. We're sure that dog is great at fetching ducks or whatever game its master is hunting, but it has a more important job to do, namely keeping him warm with their country's signature spirit. Don't forget the vermouth, Fido. ...

I'm used to the idea that even without opposable thumbs, dogs have a lot over me in terms of physical speed and agility, so I'm impressed by this dog's ability to clear that fence in a single bound, but I'm not also ashamed that I can't do it. On the other hand, I'm a grown man yet I'm pretty sure I couldn't drill a baseball as hard as this 5-year-old thwacks his. In what city was this video shot and what do they put in the water there? ...

What we love about this clever pooch is the way he looks at his owner expectantly every time he fetches the ball, as if to say, "Now do you see? Now do you understand what I want you to do?" He appears to think his human companion is too dumb to figure out the game. Maybe he's right. But the real point it that, as every only child knows, just because you're able to entertain yourself doesn't mean it's not still more fun to play with someone else. ...

My cat, Martha, loves to play fetch. Any moment when she's not napping, she's dropping one of her many shaky-mice at my feet and asking me to throw it for her. Most of the time, I'm happy to play along. But sometimes I'm trying to relax and watch some "Parks and Recreation," or I might be busy writing this stuff for you folks. Yet Martha is relentless, crying at me until I'm forced into a few minutes of fetch. Still, I'm not sure Martha's resolve is as strong as this pooch's, determined as it is to get this man to play fetch, despite the fact that he hasn't thrown the stick once, hasn't moved a muscle, hasn't even made eye contact with the dog. Because he's a statue. It's a mystery why the ...