Loss of a Pet

You just returned from the vet's office where they told you there was nothing more they can do for your dog and the time has come to put him down. You may be in shock, you may feel numb or maybe you've already been upset for days and this news is nearly unbearable. Moments later, one overwhelming question takes hold: "What am I going to say to my child?"

As a marriage and family therapist in private practice, I have helped many people deal with issues of grief and loss. The death of a beloved family pet is certainly a major life stressor. It is important to honor this event by giving it the time and attention that it requires in order for the family to heal. Here are some guidelines to help you and your child deal with this event.

1. Communicate honestly and clearly. Children need to be told what has happened or what will happen to their pet. Talk in clear, direct terms that do not create confusion. For example, many people use the term "put to sleep" in lieu of euthanasia. It is important to use direct language to describe what is happening so that the child does misinterpret this information and think that when he goes to sleep he may die as well.

For some pet owners, dealing with the loss of a cherished animal companion is as emotionally difficult as losing a member of the family. Fortunately, there are many ways to help in coping with the mourning and grief surrounding your loss, whether the animal was euthanized, lost, stolen or had to be placed in a new home.

"We can help people to talk about their loss," says Cheryl Weber, who runs the Companion Animal Related Emotions (C.A.R.E.) Pet Loss Helpline (877-394-CARE) at the University of Illinois Veterinary Teaching School. The hotline receives calls from all over the country, and helps pet owners deal with their heartbreak. "It's important for people to reach out to someone who can understand, and we do. When it comes to a pet, not everybody has a large support group. That's where we can help with compassion," Weber says.

As part of the grieving process, Weber suggests that you memorialize your pet such in any number of different ways:

- Make a donation to your local animal shelter in your pet's name.
- Hold a memorial ceremony.
- Keep the pets toys and other belongings in a memory box.
- If your pet was cremated, keep some of its ashes in cremation jewelry.
- If you have children, suggest that they draw a picture, or write a poem or story about the pet.

Faithful Paw Nation readers will recall past stories about Farm Sanctuary's work providing homes for rescued goats, lambs, and ducklings. Farm Sanctuary rehabilitates animals who have escaped from farms, slaughterhouses, or inadequate homes, and lets them live out their days in peace on one of its two countryside properties, located in Watkins Glen, NY, and northern California.

Susie Coston, Farm Sanctuary's national shelter director, recently wrote a heart-warming blog post titled A Reason to Get Up in the Morning that made us fall in love with the place all over again.

Coston shared the story of Angie, an elderly pig living at Farm Sanctuary's New York property who found herself alone after her pig companions died. Coston told Paw Nation that Angie had always been a happy pig who loved playing with her friends. Once she was on her own, however, Angie became depressed. She even lost interest in going out to the pasture.

"We were thinking Angie was done," Coston told Paw Nation, "She was old. She wasn't eating and she was just laying there. We were thinking we might have to put her down." Coston went on to say that pigs are very intelligent and exhibit sophisticated emotions. Like humans, they are even prone to getting ulcers when they are stressed and upset.

Farm Sanctuary staff tried introducing new friends to Angie, but she rejected each with "a bite on the rump or a run around the stall." Eventually, though, a new porcine pal would win Angie's heart. The tiny piglet, named Fiona, arrived at the sanctuary and became curious about Angie. And so, Coston told Paw Nation, with much trepidation the staff placed the piglet in the pen with the grouchy old lady.

Last summer, we reported the story of Casper, a 12-year-old cat from Plymouth, England who bizarrely but charmingly lined up every morning at 10:55 to take the same 11-mile round trip on the No. 3 bus. Now we are saddened to learn that Casper has died, struck and killed by a car, according to the (U.K.) Daily Mail.

Casper's owner, Susan Finden, told the Daily Mail that the driver who hit Casper did not stop after running over the cat. "Casper died from his injuries," Finden said.

Casper was, in fact, crossing the street to catch his usual No. 3 bus when he was struck by the car that killed him. "Casper was quite quick for his age but I was trying to stop him from riding the bus so much," Finden told the Daily Mail. "He had no road sense whatsoever."

Finden posted a sign at Casper's bus stop to let commuters know that they'd no longer be enjoying the company of the cat of whom they'd grown so fond. "He will be greatly missed," Finden said. "Thank you to all those who befriended him."

Eight years ago, my family's four-year-old cocker spaniel, Annie, developed a disease called hemolytic anemia. This illness became a family crisis, leading to 10 days of emergency medical care that cost over $5,000, and yet ultimately could not prevent Annie's premature death.

Annie was the leader of our other two dogs: Bromley, a two-year-old Cavalier King Charles spaniel; and Hunter, her husband, a three-year-old cocker spaniel. But perhaps the individual most affected by Annie's passing was our three-year-old daughter, who considered Annie her sister. My wife, too, was completely devoted to Annie, who was her first "child."

So how did we cope for her illness and death?

While Annie was undergoing treatment, we frankly told our daughter that Annie was very sick and we might lose her. We let the other dogs know by bringing back from the clinic one of the blankets on which Annie had slept. Smelling the blanket, Bromley and Hunter seemed to know that Annie was both alive and very ill.

The dreaded moment came a week later as her disease made Annie so sick that she struggled to breathe. Hope of a recovery faded permanently. We had to decide to let Annie "drift towards heaven" with an helping injection. We told our daughter that Annie would need our help to go to "doggie heaven" where she could run, play, love, eat and enjoy herself, because here on Earth she was sick and would not get better. We told our two other dogs that Annie was going to go to doggie heaven and that someday she would see them again. And we knew we could feel good about ourselves knowing that we did everything possible to save her, and we still could love her.

We decided to take our daughter and the two other dogs to the clinic to see Annie for the last time. There was a room in which the six of us could be together. A nurse brought Annie to us wrapped up in a blanket, looking limp, sick and as if she already had started to leave this world. The other dogs nuzzled her, and our daughter cried and hugged her. Then we let the nurse take her away.

Not long after Annie's death, we started calling breeders to help us find a new female cocker spaniel that could fill the empty space Annie had left behind. We soon found Margaux, and two weeks later we brought her into our home as a new puppy.

We were able to cope with losing Annie by being honest about her illness, working to improve her health, finally accepting her fate, and later finding a new dog who we have loved deeply for the last eight years, and who reminds us of Annie every day.