Paul Ciampanelli

Everyone's standing around giggling at Bryn because they think it's so cute how she desperately wants to play with that penguin. "Oh, if only I could swim in the sea," they think she thinks. What they don't realize is that that penguin totally stole Bryn's wallet, and it's mercilessly taunting her right to her face. No wonder she's flipping out.

I'm not a gamer. I haven't played video games in years. Don't get me wrong; I'm not against video games. It's just that, well, at a certain point my cat fell in love with my PS3 controller. I never had the heart to take it away from her, so I just sort of fell out of the gaming habit. My friends at Daily Squee are kind of bummed that I never play online with them anymore, but what can I say? It brings me more joy just to see her snuggled up like that with the joysticks.

Hey, do you remember last week when we were all sort of charmed but mostly terrified by that stampede of 42 St. Bernards?

Well, how do you feel about 2,000 freakin' ducks?!

Frankly, there's no doubt in our minds that the two videos are related. It's the Canine-Anatid Wars all over again! Will this dog-duck aggression ever end? Can these age-old enemies ever hope for peace?


Nooooo!

You'd think that whenever Teddy Bear shows up, it would sate our obsession with animal noms. But the truth is that the opposite occurs. We want to see more noms.

With that in mind, here's a super dramatic time-lapse video of a tortoise eating a pile of salad. Why time-lapse? Because tortoises are slow, dummy! You don't have all day to watch this and neither do we. Also, because time-lapse is just cooler than regular-lapse. That's a science fact.

Teddy Bear visited us last week, using his snacking skills to predict the winner of yesterday's Super Bowl. And wouldn't you know it? The New York Giants won the game, just like Teddy Bear said they would (much to my chagrin, as I hail from New England and a dyed-in-the-wool Patriots fan).

Fresh from his prognosticatory success, Teddy Bear is setting his focus on the next great holiday, Valentine's Day. Does Big T have a secret admirer? It's not us. Our admiration for Teddy isn't secret; it's public and well documented. But somebody sent the porcupiny paramour a heart-shaped box full of corn. Naturally, Teddy opted to wolf down all the corn in one sitting rather than try to make it last until the 14th. But why stop there? Corn wasn't all Teddy Bear got from his valentine. "Rose petals for eaty taste good?" Teddy, nooooo!

THIS PORCUPINE BE SNACKIN'!