Chopper's Dog House: In Defense of Mutts' Intelligent Minds

By Chopper Mar 18th 2012

There were five seconds left the on the clock, and I was about to make the game-winning shot for North Carolina, when all of a sudden my dream was rudely halted by a text from Cairo (at 11 in the morning, mind you. Such an early bird, that cat.) It read: "Chops, did you see the list?" My paws began to sweat. My tail began to wag uncontrollably. I stirred out of my velour dog bed. The list!

I'd heard word that our homies at PetMD were going to release a list of the smartest canine breeds and at last, the day had arrived. I clicked through it hastily. German Shepherd? Obvs. My buddy Hans is one of the brightest dudes I know (but boy, does he shed). Papillon? Meh. Agree to disagree. When I got to the end of the list, I admit I was bummed. I replied to Cairo with a frowny emoticon. I knew it wasn't going to happen, but deep down, I had crossed all my toes in hopes that "mutt" or "mixed breed" would've placed somewhere on that list.

You probably think I'm being too sensitive, but we mutts get a bad rep. The last thing I want is people overlooking us as a potential pet because they think they'll get the short end of the stick. Maybe literally, like during a game of fetch, but never figuratively. I woof on behalf of all my mutts when I say that we are just as clever as the cleverest of the canine breeds, if not cleverer. After all, we're mixes of all sorts of dogs, so we get all of the smarts. It's a fact. Still don't believe me? Allow Monsieur Chopper to educate you with a little scientific research.

A few years back, a study performed by researchers in the good ol' U.K. found that mixed-breed dogs are, in fact, smarter than their pure-bred counterparts. Hold the applause; let's review the facts first. According to those brilliant blokes, mutts were far superior in problem-solving skills and had better spatial awareness too. Trapped in a well? Why call Lassie when science says your life would be in better hands with me? The study even went as far as suggesting that mutts make for the best working dogs. From K-9 units to seeing-eye-dog services, mixed breeds are the bees knees.

By the way, there are a lot of other perks that come with being a mutt. We're healthy (maybe even healthier than purebreds), we're easy on your wallet, and we live long lives (sometimes longer than purebreds).

At the end of the day, it's not a competition. It's not about mutts vs. purebreds. I'm not trying to disregard any of the breeds that topped the list. Mad respect to all y'all. All I'm saying is that we mutts can figure out where you hide the bacon-flavored treats just as quickly as a Rottweiler, and we can tell as attentively as a Poodle when you're in need of a nice big hug. We're the best of all worlds. Mutts 4 Life.