Calling All Helpful Space Turtles
A helpful intergalactic turtle is hard to find. Good thing this Craigslister knows that they check the online, Earth classifieds. In this ad, a peanut butter-free town in Connecticut is looking for a half-shell from space, or any other celestial amphibian, to do their dirty work. Turns out this village -- rich with gems, platinum and pizza -- is having problems with a pesky sentient lake. Thus, the townspeople are seeking a star turtle who attach the sun to his trailer hitch and evaporate the free-thinking body of water. Last time we checked, turtles are pretty passive creatures, so this inquirer may want to check the dark side of the moon to find a hauler for this job.

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