Comedian Marc Maron Talks About His Feral Cats

When it comes to feral cats, there are those who do nothing, those who trap-neuter-return, and then there's Marc Maron.

Maron, who is well known from his stand-up appearances on "The Late Show with David Letterman," and "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," has kept feral cats as pets for five years. His fans are familiar with them through the stories he's told on his radio shows for Air America; in his act (including an extended bit on his most recent comedy album, "Final Engagement"); and on the new podcast he launched on September 1, "WTF with Marc Maron."

In honor of National Feral Cat Day, Maron spoke with Paw Nation about some of the challenges of keeping feral cats, and why it's all worth it.

When did you adopt your feral cats?
I think I got them in July of 2004 or so.

What happened when you took them in? In your act, you describe them living outside your apartment in Queens.
When I got the cats, I didn't know that they were feral, and I didn't know what that meant. They were kittens. They were all eating out of the garbage. And I guess I should have known something because I trapped them in boxes with food. But I didn't realize that they were all wild already, even at that young an age. They're never going to be completely domesticated.

Were you able to recognize that in their personalities?
I recognized it in their personalities because none of them liked me. They wouldn't let me touch them; they would bite me; they would claw me. They all scattered and hid in different places. Monkey tried to jump out a window and wedged himself between the screen and the window. Two of them were stuck behind the stove for days. LaFonda, she's got, like, PTSD and I think it's because when she first got into my apartment, she got stuck on a glue trap. She was freaking out, and I was freaking out because she didn't like me and I had to rip her off this glue trap, and she scratched up my hands. I really think that scarred her mentally.

I started talking about it on the radio, and people started getting in touch with me. Cat ladies, 40-to-60-year-old women who hate humanity. One of them lent me a cage. One of them came over and we trapped the mother, and she brought that in to get fixed. She brought a syringe over and inoculated these kittens. And then she took one of the kittens that we hadn't trapped yet. It was a fiasco.

So which of the original four feral kittens do you have now?
I have Monkey and LaFonda. I gave one to a cat lover, and that one's well taken care of. The one that was really out of control, I gave to the deli across the street to be a mouser.


Do you have any memorable feral-cat stories?
When I transported LaFonda the first time, it took an hour to get her into the cage. I had to put leather gloves on and still got bloodied up. I got to the airport, and [security] was like, "You gotta take the cat out and walk it through security." And I'm like, "You gotta be f---ing kidding me! There's no way I'm taking this cat out." People around me were freaking out. I made such a big scene about it. I was afraid she would get loose, and my life in that moment would become like a children's film, just a montage of me running around baggage carousels, through kitchens. So I take this cat -- who is a vicious fist of feline fury -- out of the box, and these TSA guys are like, "All right, everyone stand back! Let's get the cage through!" She turned out to be so freaked out to be out of the box because she didn't know where she was. She just wanted to get back in the box. So I was a little disappointed.

But any of them, just to get them in the f---ing box, I gotta go through, like, zen exercises. I have to get my mind into this area where I'm like, "OK, you can't doubt yourself. There's no second guessing. You have one shot at this. You only have one shot at this!"

Would you ever want to have a tame cat again?
I gotta be careful because right now I have three. And a couple of stragglers. And it's a little weird. You get used to cats, but if you have people over, especially women, and you end up in bed and you have four f---ing cats on your bed, I mean, that's a hard sell. They're like, "What is wrong with you?" But I have no problem with cats; I just can't take anymore in right now.

Sure, not right now, but if you ever did, would you have feral cats again?
Yeah, if necessary. I like ferals. I didn't really know what I was getting into, and now I've got these things that I love. I don't know that I'm a "feral-cat guy" now, or a cat rescuer. But certainly I like their personalities. I have so much respect for my ferals. They stay in shape. They're tweeked. You know, I'm not a cat guy, but I'm a "my cat" guy. If I go to your house, I'll pretend to like your cats, but secretly I'm thinking what a fat, stupid, ugly cat you have. That cat's an indoor cat; my cats are animals. Your cat can't even muster up the gumption to play with that fake mouse you bought it. It's days away from hanging itself on its scratching post. Or dying of ennui.

You just have to get to know a feral, and realize that unlike domesticated cats, they want affection but they'll just sort of insinuate it. They won't jump on your lap. They'll kind of stand about a foot away and twirl around, and you've gotta reach out, and then you gotta play this game with them. It takes a long time for them to come around. You have to have patience and not take it personally. But they do. They will come around.

Below, a clip from BreakRoomLive in which Marc Maron talks about cat addiction. (NSFW)

Tags: feral cats, marc maron